Yesterday was the day. My girlfriend reminded me, that I text too rarely and that I take too much time to respond. So I asked myself the question why I dislike texting and how much texting is healthy for a relationship.
I personally love texting as a way of communicating. Still, you have to differentiate between texting as an addiction and texting to communicate. While you may text all day long with your crush, why not keep the disrupting messages to a minimum and have a deep real conversation or phone conversation in the evening? I think texting is great. You can read a message whenever you want and you have the freedom to decide when to reply. That’s why my current generation loves texting over phone calls. It is because WE choose when somebody interrupts our day. Calling is different. When somebody calls us, he is not asking our permission to interrupt us. Whether we are working concentrated on a task or if we are having a great dinner with friends – calls are more obtrusive.
Back to the topic: texting in relationships. I think it is extremely healthy for a relationship to keep the texting to a minimum. What do I mean by minimum?
Text each other how you are doing, what you are doing, where you are, and especially how much you love each other a few times a day. According to this study, confirming messages will improve your relationship. Simply say: “You are important in my life”. I think it is not too much to ask for.
I would suggest that it is also a great idea if you, as a couple, arrange a time when you both try to text a few sentences. For example during your lunch break. If you both have a lunch break at the same time why not call each other for 5 short minutes?
So, texting a few times a day is great and probably important for any relationship. However, I think that extreme texting on both sides is unhealthy. Extreme texting is unhealthy for the relationship and unhealthy for yourself.
The last point I’d like to mention is the demand for immediate responses. Since texting became popular, people take immediate responses for granted. My personal two words on immediate responses: extremely unhealthy.
I think that this matter of course that somebody has to reply within minutes, or latest within one or two hours is killing too many relationships. For some people, late responses arouse envy, for others fury. I almost never reply immediately. This would destroy my productiveness. Immediate responses are also disrespectful in meetings, dinners, and other social gatherings. So I simply reply after I finished my task or meeting. There are times where I forget to reply but this is never my intention to do so.
To sum it up, I think that a certain distance is healthy. The same is true for confirming texts, or short status updates. However, I guess that many relationships would work out way better if couples simply reduce their texting to a minimum and instead have a real deep (phone) conversation in the evening or during the day.
Whats’s your opinion on texting in relationships?